so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
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Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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