i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
