Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.