Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.