New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.