So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.