when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now