Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding