I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Welp...herpes.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
