that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me