I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila