literally had 100 drinks last night.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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