I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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