PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
is wine microwaveable?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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