umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
