obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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