I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
