I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
