i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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