this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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