I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
