u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
