What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
