Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
