Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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