things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
