Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
