Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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