I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize