need another drink. this is the easiest way
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
