Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
