I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
