what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
