I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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