When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
