Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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