i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
