i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
