Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
