First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
