Say something about gay babies.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
