Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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