Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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