Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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