I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
