i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
