Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
