Apparently you make a good broom.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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