Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
