Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
