I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
