Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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