You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
