Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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