Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
