Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
