Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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