she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
