Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
