omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
