She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
