she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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