i already hear my dad disowning me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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