Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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