I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
