best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
