I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
