Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I believe in your delicious
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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