New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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