he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
