My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize