i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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