she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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