Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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